Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Refraining From Celebrating Osama's Belated Death-Day

So now we're hangwringing about whether we should be handwringing or celebrating the death of the late OBL. I'd call it a victory, however one symbolic and more than a little bittersweet. But in the words of annoyingly over-successful SNL alumnus Adam Sandler: "This is someone who could have been assassinated YESTERDAY!!!"

It's almost like they took him out cause he was no longer useful or necessary as a tulpa for terrorism, no longer a necessary boogeyman to continue fighting pointless wars costing billions of dollars and millions of destroyed lives, no longer a pre-requisite for war profiteering or 'securing oil resources'. Bin Laden is too last-decade, suffering brand-rot. Hell, he was likely to become another liability like any of the other monsters we've created, become another Saddam. The trash had to be taken out before it started collecting flies.

That's probably not exactly what it is, but that's what it feels like. Empty. Like taking out the villain in the ER room after he's already wrecked the city, spent all the vault money on Caribbean vacations, lived a good long life, and is now 90 and just about to die of pneumonia.

"But it's ok - we got'em!" Clap, clap.

Bin Laden's death may, if nothing else, help shift the "window" of the conversation a bit. Put a damper on the hysteria and nuttiness, one less bucket of gasoline on the freakshow that is American political discourse. We can only hope the trend continues.

Perhaps it went something like this.

Obama: "Damn, releasing my long form birth certificate really fucked up the right wing birthtards shit!"

Non-corrupt remnants of Obama's cabinet: "You're totally right, that's one less sideshow distracting the country!"

Obama: "Do you think -- I mean hypothetically speaking -- do you think we could, like, just take that approach to the terrorism thing? Just, like, eliminate these nutter-Republican issues altogether? Kick the soapbox right out from under them?"

Cabinet: "You may be on to something, Mr. President."

Obama: *snaps* "Let's start with this 'War on Terrorism' bullshit. Let's finish what could've been done in 2003, take out the OBL. How soon can we have him dead?"

Cabinet: "We've got his location like everyone else since he bought an iPhone in 2008 at a Pakistani Wal-Mart. Also have a record of all his credit card transactions from an "interrogated" Chinese national who hacked Sony and stole the VISA Bin Laden's son was using with his PS3 for Call of Duty..."

Obama: "I think I just came a little. Ok, have the Seals take him out."

Cabinet: "Done."

Obama: "Ok, let's see what we can do about this whole 'defecit' nonsense the GOP keeps blabbering about. Let's triple the rich's taxes back to 1960 levels, double the capital gains tax and tag those revenues for medicare and social security. Check. Ok, next, revoke all the bailout money we gave to banks and use it to re-imburse all the lost pensions and 401ks, and pay for all the lost wages due to "austerity measures", nullification of bargaining rights, etc. Immediately shut-down all insolvent banks, put'em in receivership, chop'em up, and use the profits to pay for finance classes in public schools. Oh yeah, and pull all our troops out of these stupid fucking Lockheed-Haliburton-Blackwater cashcows wars."

Cabinet: "We're already out sir. You killed Osama Bin Laden, remember?"

Obama: "Oh, right! Two birds with one stone. See, now this is how you run a country."

One can hope, anyway.

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